HizeCool

Alfa

Passionate and romantic, you fancy yourself. A bit unreliable, and can be eccentric too. You hate BMW drivers, but think and act just like them.

 

Audi

You would like to believe you are part of the new generation that is caring, environmentally conscious and family-orientated. Actually quite boring; nothing more than a glorified wuss. Will one day probably drive a Merc, but you still sometimes wonder if you shouldn’t have bought that Bee-Em.

 

BMW

Self-centred, ambitious, dynamic and assertive. Can be a big show-off pig. Likes impressing too. Buppies and kugels past sell-by date. You think you will be CEO one day. Actually an office weenie who thinks you are God’s gift.

 

Daewoo

Faceless, subservient and demure (except for Matiz drivers). To you, a good deal is to work from nine to five, get nothing for it, and still say thank you. And then you wonder why you don’t have money for a time after hours.

 

FIAT

Cute self-confident girls climbing the corporate ladder with ball-breaking as their hidden agenda. Will take everything you own if she divorces you.

 

FORD

You still live in the 70′s, trying to cope with the 90′s (don’t even mention the millennium). A loyal, diligent worker, but baffled by office politics and labour policies. Next car will probably also be a Ford.

 

Honda

You aspire to drive a BMW. You are an opinionated pain-in-the-butt. The ultimate suffragette, or the boss’s girlfriend (male or female!).

 

Isuzu

You like the smell of diesel and have secret fantasy of being a truck driver.

 

Hyundai /Kia

Quite progressive, intelligent and practical. But misguided. The kind of person who will suggest a sub-committee to find solutions to what the committee couldn’t. You will always maintain that a Korean car is better than any Japanese model.

 

Jeep

You would like to believe you are living the American dream and just love the great outdoors. The closest you get to it is by watching Days of Our Lives and the Adventure Channel.

 

Land Rover

You are a designer person with a designer life, who always pays too much for everything. Designer mud comes free with the badge. You’re a closet colonial racist and have fantasies about the Queen. If you have a Freelander, it was probably a break-up gift from your ex.

 

Mazda

A Ford driver with less money. Mostly staid boring with no image and less imagination. Lots of retired people drive Mazdas. You’re in the way and should get off the road.

 

Mercedes-Benz

Responsible, immaculate and conservative. Boring CEO clones with too much money, or the office super-geek who can’t remember what it’s like to have fun. Definitely not dating material.

 

Nissan

Good, solid, responsible, loyal office-fodder. You like to travel and maintain that you can sell ice to the Eskimos. Favourite answer: “It’s a company car.”

 

Opel

Wannabe Schumachers. Would like a VW, but fell for the bumf about German engineering. Always in a rush, but never get anything done. Kicks BMW 3 series butts because they can. Spend all their money on trying to keep it going.

 

Pajero

Not as label-conscious as your Land Rover counterpart, but still suckered into believing in the ultimate Paris-to-Dakar, African adventure. You drive through puddles to create your own designer mud. You believe you’ve made the grade, but everyone else knows you’ve got a long way to go.

 

Peugeot

Thinks France is the best country in the world and bores everybody with your limited French knowledge and tales of the Louvre and the Sourbonne.

 

Porsche

Smalldick

 

Renault

An eccentric who likes doing things the wrong way around. Usually the one who asks all the silly questions at staff meetings. You fervently believe you have flair, but it’s less than that of a French cookbook. Most probably gay.

 

Ssangyong

A make-believe fool, because you’d like a Pajero but can’t afford it. Don’t actually know that the engines are made in India and not in Germany

 

Toyota

Although there are thousands of them, you mostly can’t spot them in their zero-image cars. Toyotas are good, reliable cars and are bought by a wide variety of people who have zero personality to go with their cars and are basically chicken-shit scared people who will never take chances and will therefore be driving Toyotas forever.
 
The most zero-image car in the world?, … a white Corolla

 

Volkswagen

Highly overrated for dependability cars since the days of the Beetle, but they do have a good re-sale value. Usually practical, sensible people who like to drive fast where nobody can see them. They are usually loyal to their brand to the point of irritation due to the fact that they lost their virginity on a Beetle’s back seat.

 

Volvo

As square and safe as the car

 

Proton

“Unoriginal, uncreative copycats, who like to blast their in-car stereo system so that they can’t hear any rattles from the doors and dashboard. The models define status, which means a Perdana driver is always thought to be financially better than a Wira driver, but of course this is not usually the case as all Malaysians have the same amount of financial crisis. 70% of them drive their Protons fast when they probably shouldn’t. 99% of them buy Protons because of its easy financing. 100% of them say they buy because they are patriotic, out of which 90% are lying.”

 

Ferrari

“Designers who don’t drive as good as they design. Mostly fashion designers who think Italian, eat Italian and speak Italian, but they are probably British or American ass holes”

 

Lamborghini
“Let’s face it, nobody keeps a Lambo forever. Stinking millionaires who sell their Lamborghini only a year after they buy it, just to impress their grandchildren, “Granpa used to own a Lamborghini once, look at this 30 year old picture. My hair was as full as its V12 engine back then”

 

Skoda

“Tasteless continental freak”

 

Rover

“Want a Honda, but don’t like Japs, so they buy the British version”

 

Perodua

“Favourite reason – “I love small cars!”. Unspoken reason – “I can’t afford a Proton”

How about QQ – its has been an old email from an old friend

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